"I'll Give You Somethin' to Cry ABOUT!"

As corny as some of these sound, the concept makes perfect sense. Part of our interaction with children is to teach by SHOWING them how to effectively communicate as we teach them other life lessons, manners, etc.

We have to start treating them as young "people" because well, they are. 

If we wouldn't allow other adults to speak to us so harshly, why should we do the same to mere children?

Furthermore, the age old adage that "children should be seen, not heard" needs to be put to rest. We teach children the importance of timing and tact, key elements in healthy communication and building healthy relationships, when we allow them to speak their minds and express themselves. This also aids in healthy emotional/psychological development. No one likes to be "shut down" every time they attempt to share how they feel/what they think. 

Of course there will always be exceptions based on specific children and situations but keep this thinking in mind the next time you speak to a child.

Really, taking this approach and working to be patient enough to ask our youth questions about their behavior/feelings helps to improve their comprehension and enables them to be able to think for themselves and adequately convey what they're feeling.

I tell children (and teens) all the time, "use your words" and "I need you to be able to tell me WHY you feel the way you feel or WHY you're behaving in this way".

When I was growing up, "I dunno" was NOT an acceptable answer!

#WordsMatter #BeInspired #BEInspiredAsIAMInspired#LightBegetsLight #WeBeTheLight

Love Your Lane | Day 2 | Pt. 2 | #BlogADay

What About Me?

I do not consider myself a just a singer nor a musician but rather an artist and an entrepreneur. After years of "supporting" other artists with constant road-trips to events, posts and emails about their new albums, books, gigs, etc., God spoke to me ever so clearly, telling me that the time had come for me to focus on His will for my life. Now, while sowing is required before a harvest, we cannot get so caught up in the sowing that we don't prepare for the harvest!

During this time, it occurred to me that I conveniently neglected my own spark. This flame, continuously extinguished because I was too busy adding fuel to others' fires, often too tired and worn to put forth any effort to bring my own vision to fruition. I was guilty of believing in the talents and abilities of others more than I believed in myself and THIS is not how God created us to be. If I am a creation of The Creator, why am I not creating?

I was guilty of believing in the talents and abilities of others more than I believed in myself and THIS is not how God created us to be. If I am a creation of The Creator, why am I not creating?

A final lesson: Over the years I've come to understand the greater purpose of discernment. With that I've learned that, although my name may not mean much to the masses, it is mine. I've had to learn the hard way that my name can't be associated with every name. Once that association has been made, it is nearly impossible to disassociate yourself. Choose wisely...

I cannot stress how important walking in purpose and using discernment is in our business and ministry dealings. As with our romantic relationships, just because someone is good to us, doesn't mean they are good for us!

I am grateful for every connection and supporter that I am blessed to have shining light on the vision that God has given me. I am most grateful for 

Peace, Love and Light,

*BEAM*

Love Your Lane | Day 2 | Pt. 1 | #BlogADay

The Purpose Driven Church

#Support

This idea that members of various artistic communities around the country refuse to support one another is not totally true. While every community has it's "divas", the majority are very humble, hard-working people, doing all they can to find their way along the path that they've been called to.

The truth of the matter is, many of the people in our artistic community are merely associates in passing. They are familiar faces whom we recognize from our social media networks and/or from being out and about in our respective cities. With people's individual endeavors, day jobs and family obligations, one can't possibly be there to support everything that everyone in their community has on the calendar.

With that being said...

Our circle of direct support is often just like our circle of "BFF's": The fewer the better. Quality is truly better than quantity and I personally, would rather have 10 or fewer SOLID people in my core who can influence their respective communities than have 100+ people "support" me out of presumed obligation based on familiarity, community or association. (See diagram from "The Purpose Driven Church"). Having a strong, smaller core is essential to impacting the masses.

Not everyone's purpose is directly related to mine and that's okay! I'm learning to LOVE MY LANE, trusting that God has appointed every connection I need to bring HIs purpose to fruition and an audience prepared to receive what I have to offer!

Peace, Love and Light,

*BEAM*

Continue reading: Part Two

Just Say No to #NoNewFriends

So, there's a new hashtag/catchphrase going around. I just learned that #NoNewFriends is based on a Drake song by the same name. 

I haven't heard the song but I, for one, LOVE meting new people. Everyone won't be a "bestie" or even an actual "friend" but don't limit yourself because of fear of disappointment. Just learn to be more discerning about your immediate circle and the expectations you place on people. 

Everyone has their place. Some closer than others. 

And just think, adopting a #NoNewFriends mentality may keep the wrong friends in your life for far too long! The same attitude may keep people OUT who God may use to take your life in a new direction! 

This brings me back to a blog that I started based on a conversation with a young, successful actor from my hometown on FB about a week ago. He asked:

"Why is it our culture makes you feel bad about your accomplishments? When I left Wichita I was told to be the best, and now I'm in a position of success I've changed. I'm still the same Tyrice who grew up on 13th and Minnesota! I never changed, your perception of me changed."

His words are noble. Honorable even. Growing up, we all have dreams that we'll make it to the top and bring all of our best friends and main men along with us but the fact of the matter is, not everyone is meant to remain your friend or "roll dog" for life. Not everyone positioned to go where you're going in the world. 

If we're working hard to pursue our dreams and live a life of purpose then it should show! You should have "changed" in the eyes of others. I told young Tyrice:

"If you're the same person that you were on 13th and Minnesota, then you may need to go back to and start over. No one can make you feel bad about your accomplishments..."

Working with students/youth who are college or military bound, I tell them all the time,

"you'll go home to visit and find many of your friends and family doing the same stuff they were doing when you left, and that's okay."

I shared this with Tyrice and continued, 

"YOU have to be okay with being better/different than you were when you left. It is not your responsibility to make people comfortable with the person you're becoming. If they feel "some kind of way", they need to re-examine who they are (and are not)."

I went on to tell he and all the others now involved in his original post a story (because I have a story for everything): 

"Last year I was working at a local Olive Garden and one of my co-workers, angry with my happy-go-lucky demeanor, yelled across the kitchen, "NINA THINKS SHE'S BETTER THAN EVERYBODY!" I paused, turned around and assured him that his insecurities told him that I was better than him. I am mindful that my actions never say, "I'm better than..." anyone. I am better than *I* used to be. That's all I can speak for."

The good thing is this: (lots of colons in this post) 

We'll find that we generally won't have to separate ourselves from our pasts or the people in it! If we just allow it and continue moving forward, we will find that we'll shed ourselves of EVERYTHING (including people) from our former life. It will truly happen naturally, without strive! It's when we try to hold on to our past that the transition becomes painful!

Know When to Release and When to Reach

Much Is Given

Although gaining financial wealth has always been a driving force in prosperity, I have personally seen a recent rise in the number of people who seem to be pushing towards making a dream come true for the sake of fortune and fame.

I have found myself growing weary of supporting people I see hustling their talents for money.  Even as indie artists, it’s possible to pimp oneself just as much as industry execs.  Many who have been driven by the need to make money off of their vision without understanding the greater purpose in creating have found that their hasty efforts were in vain often rushing projects to get them in the hands of whomever they think will be interested and in turn, putting out mediocre work! 

Putting out a product, be it a CD, book, a piece of fine art or even a service without ensuring it’s your best work is not only a waste money, time and energy but can also potentially tarnish the name/brand that you worked “so hard” at establishing.  Then when the product doesn’t gain popularity as hoped, people will scream that “people don’t support their own!”  Well, who do YOU know wants to endorse mess!?

I am learning that there will always be people who are willing to support your vision.  The key is actually having a vision and not just an idea!  Many don’t know the difference between the two!!!

This behavior is especially troubling when I see it displayed by those who consider themselves to be believers of Christ.  Lord knows that the current condition of the economy has people seeking to create multiple streams of income to support themselves and their families but our inability to focus on the will of God for our gifts/talents/ministry is merely tossing our seeds about which never generates a fruitful harvest. 

“A farmer went out to sow his seed. ⁴ As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. ⁵ Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. ⁶ But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. ⁷ Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. ⁸ Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop…” Matthew 13:4-8

I have been asked me why I do so many speaking engagements/gigs for free.  The answer is simple:  I give much because much as been given TO me. My talents, time and energy all serve a purpose greater than me. I dare not do what I do with the mere goal of making money.  I seek to fulfill my God given purpose and in doing so, KNOW and EXPECT that prosperity/wealth WELL BEYOND MONEY will come to me and my family.

If your "grind" has you focused on "making it" or "making money", you need to readjust your focus on PURPOSE.  Your gift will truly make room for you but we must “…seek ye first the Kingdom of God…” Y’all know how it goes!

One day (soon possibly), I'll get paid for all that I do but for now, the bank of my heart is filled with gratitude that God sees fit to use ME at all!  The payoff I receive from knowing that people are blessed by my words and even my presence is greater than the checks that will come!

“For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.” Luke 12:48

Fathers and Daughters

I love my father!!! I mean, I REALLY, REALLY love my father! I cannot express how blessed I am to have watched him grow into the man that he is today! I cannot thank God enough for even allowing my father the grace to be in my life the way he is today…it wasn’t always so easy…
…I spent the majority of my life with my father. I have many of his mannerisms and I definitely have his sarcastic sense of humor…my eyes belong to him as well as my forehead…and the afro that forms after I go for even a month without a haircut, that’s all Carl!

This past Saturday, February 16, I had the opportunity to share my life with my father with about 50 middle school students within the Hampton school district as they sat, dressed in their best, having dinner beside their fathers. I commend Valerie Patin, Courtney Fields and the staff of the Northampton Recreation Center for their vision when it comes to the betterment of young people, our little sisters in particular. By hosting events such as their first annual Father/Daughter Banquet at the Northampton Community Center here in Hampton, they are aiding in the continued growth and development of these beautiful girls. It was a delightful time and I am most grateful to have received the opportunity to speak to both fathers and daughters about my relationship with my father, Carl Ligon, and about the importance of the relationship between kings and princesses!

After watching my father struggle over the years with alcoholism, financial irresponsibility and other life changes, I can say that he is one of the greatest influences in my life. His tenacity and strength have afforded me lessons that I have never learned in school and through his interaction with others, including with the police, various women and employers, I’ve learned how to (and how to not) communicate with those that I come into contact with. His honesty and ability to be transparent taught me the importance of the being same. Whether right or wrong, he stood tall. His integrity is matchless and because of his life, I am definitely the woman that I am today.

I can only pray that the young ladies that I spoke with will remember my father and me when they get to be my age. I pray that they recognize the humanness that is within not only their fathers, but mothers as well and all adults as they mature in age and make that they will make allowance for the things that their parents might do that they don’t necessarily agree with.

I pray that these parents can continue to be the leaders in the lives of these young women and that they might be transparent in allowing their children to see that they are indeed human…and not so perfect. I pray that the lines of communication have been opened and will remain open, strengthening the relationships and ultimately strengthening families! Amen!