Friday, April 8, 2016

Healing through Forgiveness

Lord, by your Holy Spirit, I ask that you give me the words to release any feelings of bitterness, hurt, betrayal and unforgiveness once and for all. In the name of Jesus, peace is mine, now and forever, amen.

So, it’s been on my heart to write to you for a couple of months now. I’ve never been one to hold grudges and even take pride in my ability to forgive others but for some reason, I have had the most difficult time dealing with my lost relationship with you. It was during a recent time of reflection that I realized that I am often able to forgive because I am an expressive individual. Generally, as long as I am able to get what I need to say off of my chest, I’m able to move forward and forgive. Then, God showed me the flaw in this “ability”.

I recently saw a quote online that said, “I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received.”


Those words got me thinking about all the things that I would ever tell you if given the opportunity. Unfortunately, it’s been nearly a year and you will barely even respond to my texts for well-wishes at different points in your life so, a conversation about the state of our friendship doesn’t seem likely. These truths opened my eyes to what may never be and more importantly, what simply isn’t necessary.

In the weeks following that post, God began showing me that it’s not important to point out all the ways a person has hurt you. Yes, I can pinpoint the exact day that our relationship began to change and all the things you did to wrong me and even all the things that I could have done better in response to the shift, but God also began to show me the growth that is possible from finally forgiving you and moving on…

Eight months ago, I was led to change my lifestyle and go vegan to rid my body of uterine fibroids which have been wrecking havoc on my body, mind and intimacy in my marriage for years now. The Lord told me, “you will be healed by your obedience.” I was so excited to start my new journey as a vegan and within two months, saw remarkable changes in my cycles and overall health.

Additionally, we’ve been actively trying to conceive. Since last summer, I have had it clear in my heart that I will at least be pregnant in 2016. I was hoping for a baby in hand this year but hey, we’ll take a growing seed! I know God’s promises to be true and am standing on the Word He gave me that I will be healed by my obedience. So, I’ve been growing in discipline regarding my dietary habits and what I consume but have recently felt that this is not enough…

We all know that the Word commands that we “forgive as Christ has forgiven us” and that we should forgive, so that our prayers may be heard. Scientifically, it has also been proven that harboring feelings of anger and bitterness can have a negative impact on our overall health. But how many times have we ignored what we know and justified our behavior…?

About a month ago, God began nudging me to write this letter to you. I kept making excuses like, “He probably won’t read it anyway…” or “…why should I have to write a letter when I’m not the one who abandoned our friendship!?” So, I ignored the unction and kept it moving. Within weeks, the Holy Spirit was showing me how my unforgiveness was keeping me from being fully healed and getting pregnant. Knowing what I know about the power of forgiveness, I had the audacity to still ignore the urge to write to you until one day…

I was in a Sunday service and that day, our pastor was talking about being led by the Holy Spirit. Now, while much of the full service may be a blur during the altar call, I heard God’s voice loud and clear. He told me straight up that I must forgive for the sake of the daughter that I’ve been praying for. He told me, “I will not allow my child to be conceived in a place where bitterness and unforgiveness reside. What I have for her is too great for her to be created in the presence of such negative energy.”

All I could do is weep and weep, thanking God for His Word concerning me, my heart and my daughter. During this time of crying, I felt a heaviness lift from me that I hadn’t even realized was there. I experienced a much needed release knowing that things were different – that my heart was being purified.

Lord, forgive me for my disobedience! All this time, I’ve been limiting God to only healing my womb through a change in my diet and while I am most thankful for the healing that has taken place thus far, my obedience goes well beyond just that! God is trying to heal my heart. He’s using my obedience to bring my spirit back into full alignment with Him and to bring me back into His perfect will for my life – to be WHOLE.

God is showing me that I cannot be the Light with any bit of darkness in my heart; consuming my mind. While Light is ever present, the slightest bit of darkness can cast shadows where the sun is needed. Those shadows manifesting in areas of our lives that are not directly related to the situation that caused the unforgiveness to be present.

From forgiveness to being more patient on the road, my goal is to be the best mother that I can be knowing that God has placed a calling on the lives of my children that requires them to be conceived in the purest love possible – the Love of God.

I love you. I always have and always will and while my heart was once broken by the demise of our friendship, I thank God for healing my heart and covering my mind. I thank God for you and everything that you’ve been in my life and trust that my forgiving you will allow my prayers for you and your family to reach the heart of God on your behalf.

I pray that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for any pain that I may have caused you during the tumultuous time in our relationship.

May you continue to grow according to the will of God, in all things, for His glory.

Your Sister, 


Thursday, July 31, 2014

"I'll Give You Somethin' to Cry ABOUT!"

As corny as some of these sound, the concept makes perfect sense. Part of our interaction with children is to teach by SHOWING them how to effectively communicate as we teach them other life lessons, manners, etc.

We have to start treating them as young "people" because well, they are. 

If we wouldn't allow other adults to speak to us so harshly, why should we do the same to mere children?

Furthermore, the age old adage that "children should be seen, not heard" needs to be put to rest. We teach children the importance of timing and tact, key elements in healthy communication and building healthy relationships, when we allow them to speak their minds and express themselves. This also aids in healthy emotional/psychological development. No one likes to be "shut down" every time they attempt to share how they feel/what they think. 

Of course there will always be exceptions based on specific children and situations but keep this thinking in mind the next time you speak to a child.

Really, taking this approach and working to be patient enough to ask our youth questions about their behavior/feelings helps to improve their comprehension and enables them to be able to think for themselves and adequately convey what they're feeling.

I tell children (and teens) all the time, "use your words" and "I need you to be able to tell me WHY you feel the way you feel or WHY you're behaving in this way".

When I was growing up, "I dunno" was NOT an acceptable answer!

Friday, February 7, 2014

A Life of Mediocrity

Last weekend, as I scanned through radio channels on my drive home from DC, I landed on a message from a (not so) random Bible teaching. The young minister's words immediately struck a chord in my heart, "No believer should ever be bored." We were created to create. "If the believer is bored it is because they are not seeking ways to be creative."

We were not created to live a life of mediocrity. 

The few words that I received from that short sermon, before losing my radio signal with the rolling hills of northern Virginia, reminded me of all the times I allowed myself to be "bored" with life or the tasks that it would take for me to reach the level of greatness that I was created to reach.

All throughout my school-age years, teachers, school counselors and mentors (and my parents) would plead with me, " could do so much if you would just apply yourself?!"

For example, because I am naturally a decent writer and overall lover of words, I would often wait until the last minute to do the work it took to write a solid paper, oftentimes having points deducted for turning my assignment in late. I cannot count the times I received my latest effort back from my teacher with zero red marks or notes on it because there were no red marks to be found. The paper had been perfectly written yet, at the top of the page was a big red B- because the paper had been turned in late.

As a sprinter/hurdler in track and field, I always came in second place. Literally, I was never first. Just as I reached the finish line, on the heels of state champion Maisha Prewitt (yeah, I remember her name...Lol), I would give up. Somewhere along the line I threw out the idea of actually, FINALLY beating her and I found myself cool with doing just enough to be considered good at what I did. Now at 34 years old, I'm still working to break those old habits and although it hasn't been easy, it has been WELL worth it!

As I continue growing spiritually and creatively, I am beginning to truly believe and understand all that I was created to be. While I may have never had dreams of reaching the Olympics or being awarded Poet Laureate, who's to say that I couldn't have done both had I truly put forth the effort to be my best and not just good at what I loved to do?

Here's the great thing about life:

As long as we have breath in our bodies, we are more than able to be whatever our heart's desire. As corny and cliché as it may sound, it's true. At what point will you determine that you are tired of living a life of mediocrity? At one point will you finally "apply yourself"?

Me? I begin today and I will apply myself in greater measure every day that I am allowed to live.

God will take our mediocre attitude and/or habits and clear out the doubt and excuses that keep us from reaching our full potential.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


That moment when God reminds you that you don't need the people you thought you did to achieve the things you dream of achieving >

Let God provide the divine connections and resources needed to bring your vision to fruition. Stop relying on people who aren't part of the Master('s) plan.

"I have stood tall in the presence of God and bowed in worship at His feet...NO MAN or WOMAN on this entire Earth is so great that I cannot be in their presence. GOD goes before me wherever He leads. Walk in confidence onto the path that God has prepared for you! Fear NO MAN!" 
(c) 2013 'Heart of a Queen - Poetry and Prose from the Soul'

Friday, January 17, 2014

I GOT...FIRED!!!!!!

Okay so, I’m being a tad bit dramatic, but this past Wednesday, for the first time since I began working at the ripe old age of fifteen, I was “let go” from my position as a receptionist for a television production company.

Amazingly, even after I received the call from the company president to “come see me in my office”, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. “Whelp Lord. Here we go”, I said aloud as I boarded the elevator to the second floor. Although at peace, I chuckled at the fluttering in my heart as I entered the President’s office to find him, the exec in charge and the head of HR all sitting, awaiting my arrival.

*cues suspenseful music*

But look, this isn’t about my current state of unemployment, or how much I'll miss my job as a receptionist for a REALLY dope television production company that creates shows for major cable networks. I'll spare you the details. 

Purpose and Provision

During the meeting, while the big man was explaining the whys and whats, I did eventually cry because well, it's kinda what I do. But my tears were not chased through my eyes by fear in my heart, they were evidence of the well of gratitude that had been poured into me for the past two years. 

I cried because while these three business execs sat apologizing to me for no longer being able to "afford the luxury of paying someone to answer the phones", I laughed through my tears and thanked them, with a full heart, for every opportunity they afforded me. 

Honestly, in the two years I sat at that desk answering phones, ordering office supplies and entertaining talent waiting for their call-time, I have done more to bring the vision for my craft and my business to fruition than I had done since leaving the Air Force in 2005 to pursue the same vision.

Let me tell you about it...(see the *fairly short but amusing* video below) 

So, Now What? 

When accepting the peace and purposes of God in faith, there are no "buts"...Will there be uncertainties? Of course. Will there be doubts? Mos def. However, you'll either choose to trust Him or you won't. #iTrustHim 

My choice to remain positive in the face of adversity isn't based on blind faith, naiveté or even arrogance. It is based on PURPOSE. 

I can't even get mad at those who don't find my "silver lining" perspective as realistic...Not everyone is in the same place in their faith walk. But I trust that my life will show what it means to trust God and His purposes.


Wednesday, January 8, 2014

a Gospel - Just Do It | Day 6 | #BlogADay

"This is that moment in life when clichés are more than mere rhetoric
"Just do it" becomes gospel
That moment when
Excuses sound easier than the plan
When sleep soothes the pain better than the idea pushing to bring it to fruition

In this moment
Yesterday's failure is either a costly, wandering stream of spilled milk seeping into today
Or the fresh breath of every possibility at birth
May your cries be declarations that this life will thrive..."

Excerpt from 'a Gospel' by Nina C. Brewton (c) 2013

This video from Adrian Bryant sums up exactly how I'm currently feeling in life. Even though he uses the conditioning of athletes to demonstrate his points, the message can apply to anyone: The student, the entrepreneur, the artist...whatever your vision has purposed for your life, "may your cries be declarations that this life with thrive..."

Monday, January 6, 2014

The Time It Will Take | Day 5 | #BlogADay

Piggy-backing off of yesterday's blog, I received this from +Sweetlocs Taylor this morning.

You cannot turn the corner until you get to it. In order to create a breakthrough, you must lay the groundwork for it.

Real value is built with time, effort and commitment. Don’t cheat yourself out of that value by demanding instant results.

When you’re moving in a positive direction, enjoy the ride and give it the time it takes. Even though the fulfillment is not yet complete, you can already begin to experience it.

Don’t be afraid of the time it will take to make real progress. Be thankful for the opportunity to make an increasingly valuable difference as time goes on.

There is great joy to be found in meaningful effort. The longer and more committed the effort is, the more joy you are able to experience.

Cheerfully give yourself and your work the time it takes. Choose a worthy destination, and treasure every step of the journey.