Healing through Forgiveness

Lord, by your Holy Spirit, I ask that you give me the words to release any feelings of bitterness, hurt, betrayal and unforgiveness once and for all. In the name of Jesus, peace is mine, now and forever, amen.

So, it’s been on my heart to write to you for a couple of months now. I’ve never been one to hold grudges and even take pride in my ability to forgive others but for some reason, I have had the most difficult time dealing with my lost relationship with you. It was during a recent time of reflection that I realized that I am often able to forgive because I am an expressive individual. Generally, as long as I am able to get what I need to say off of my chest, I’m able to move forward and forgive. Then, God showed me the flaw in this “ability”.

I recently saw a quote online that said, “I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received.”

Ouch.

Those words got me thinking about all the things that I would ever tell you if given the opportunity. Unfortunately, it’s been nearly a year and you will barely even respond to my texts for well-wishes at different points in your life so, a conversation about the state of our friendship doesn’t seem likely. These truths opened my eyes to what may never be and more importantly, what simply isn’t necessary.

In the weeks following that post, God began showing me that it’s not important to point out all the ways a person has hurt you. Yes, I can pinpoint the exact day that our relationship began to change and all the things you did to wrong me and even all the things that I could have done better in response to the shift, but God also began to show me the growth that is possible from finally forgiving you and moving on…

Eight months ago, I was led to change my lifestyle and go vegan to rid my body of uterine fibroids which have been wrecking havoc on my body, mind and intimacy in my marriage for years now. The Lord told me, “you will be healed by your obedience.” I was so excited to start my new journey as a vegan and within two months, saw remarkable changes in my cycles and overall health.

Additionally, we’ve been actively trying to conceive. Since last summer, I have had it clear in my heart that I will at least be pregnant in 2016. I was hoping for a baby in hand this year but hey, we’ll take a growing seed! I know God’s promises to be true and am standing on the Word He gave me that I will be healed by my obedience. So, I’ve been growing in discipline regarding my dietary habits and what I consume but have recently felt that this is not enough…

We all know that the Word commands that we “forgive as Christ has forgiven us” and that we should forgive, so that our prayers may be heard. Scientifically, it has also been proven that harboring feelings of anger and bitterness can have a negative impact on our overall health. But how many times have we ignored what we know and justified our behavior…?

About a month ago, God began nudging me to write this letter to you. I kept making excuses like, “He probably won’t read it anyway…” or “…why should I have to write a letter when I’m not the one who abandoned our friendship!?” So, I ignored the unction and kept it moving. Within weeks, the Holy Spirit was showing me how my unforgiveness was keeping me from being fully healed and getting pregnant. Knowing what I know about the power of forgiveness, I had the audacity to still ignore the urge to write to you until one day…

I was in a Sunday service and that day, our pastor was talking about being led by the Holy Spirit. Now, while much of the full service may be a blur during the altar call, I heard God’s voice loud and clear. He told me straight up that I must forgive for the sake of the daughter that I’ve been praying for. He told me, “I will not allow my child to be conceived in a place where bitterness and unforgiveness reside. What I have for her is too great for her to be created in the presence of such negative energy.”

All I could do is weep and weep, thanking God for His Word concerning me, my heart and my daughter. During this time of crying, I felt a heaviness lift from me that I hadn’t even realized was there. I experienced a much needed release knowing that things were different – that my heart was being purified.

Lord, forgive me for my disobedience! All this time, I’ve been limiting God to only healing my womb through a change in my diet and while I am most thankful for the healing that has taken place thus far, my obedience goes well beyond just that! God is trying to heal my heart. He’s using my obedience to bring my spirit back into full alignment with Him and to bring me back into His perfect will for my life – to be WHOLE.

God is showing me that I cannot be the Light with any bit of darkness in my heart; consuming my mind. While Light is ever present, the slightest bit of darkness can cast shadows where the sun is needed. Those shadows manifesting in areas of our lives that are not directly related to the situation that caused the unforgiveness to be present.

From forgiveness to being more patient on the road, my goal is to be the best mother that I can be knowing that God has placed a calling on the lives of my children that requires them to be conceived in the purest love possible – the Love of God.

I love you. I always have and always will and while my heart was once broken by the demise of our friendship, I thank God for healing my heart and covering my mind. I thank God for you and everything that you’ve been in my life and trust that my forgiving you will allow my prayers for you and your family to reach the heart of God on your behalf.

I pray that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for any pain that I may have caused you during the tumultuous time in our relationship.

May you continue to grow according to the will of God, in all things, for His glory.

Your Sister, 

Nina

"I'll Give You Somethin' to Cry ABOUT!"

As corny as some of these sound, the concept makes perfect sense. Part of our interaction with children is to teach by SHOWING them how to effectively communicate as we teach them other life lessons, manners, etc.

We have to start treating them as young "people" because well, they are. 

If we wouldn't allow other adults to speak to us so harshly, why should we do the same to mere children?

Furthermore, the age old adage that "children should be seen, not heard" needs to be put to rest. We teach children the importance of timing and tact, key elements in healthy communication and building healthy relationships, when we allow them to speak their minds and express themselves. This also aids in healthy emotional/psychological development. No one likes to be "shut down" every time they attempt to share how they feel/what they think. 

Of course there will always be exceptions based on specific children and situations but keep this thinking in mind the next time you speak to a child.

Really, taking this approach and working to be patient enough to ask our youth questions about their behavior/feelings helps to improve their comprehension and enables them to be able to think for themselves and adequately convey what they're feeling.

I tell children (and teens) all the time, "use your words" and "I need you to be able to tell me WHY you feel the way you feel or WHY you're behaving in this way".

When I was growing up, "I dunno" was NOT an acceptable answer!

#WordsMatter #BeInspired #BEInspiredAsIAMInspired#LightBegetsLight #WeBeTheLight

A Life of Mediocrity

Last weekend, as I scanned through radio channels on my drive home from DC, I landed on a message from a (not so) random Bible teaching. The young minister's words immediately struck a chord in my heart, "No believer should ever be bored." We were created to create. "If the believer is bored it is because they are not seeking ways to be creative."

We were not created to live a life of mediocrity. 

The few words that I received from that short sermon, before losing my radio signal with the rolling hills of northern Virginia, reminded me of all the times I allowed myself to be "bored" with life or the tasks that it would take for me to reach the level of greatness that I was created to reach.

All throughout my school-age years, teachers, school counselors and mentors (and my parents) would plead with me, "Nina...you could do so much if you would just apply yourself?!"

For example, because I am naturally a decent writer and overall lover of words, I would often wait until the last minute to do the work it took to write a solid paper, oftentimes having points deducted for turning my assignment in late. I cannot count the times I received my latest effort back from my teacher with zero red marks or notes on it because there were no red marks to be found. The paper had been perfectly written yet, at the top of the page was a big red B- because the paper had been turned in late.

As a sprinter/hurdler in track and field, I always came in second place. Literally, I was never first. Just as I reached the finish line, on the heels of state champion Maisha Prewitt (yeah, I remember her name...Lol), I would give up. Somewhere along the line I threw out the idea of actually, FINALLY beating her and I found myself cool with doing just enough to be considered good at what I did. Now at 34 years old, I'm still working to break those old habits and although it hasn't been easy, it has been WELL worth it!

As I continue growing spiritually and creatively, I am beginning to truly believe and understand all that I was created to be. While I may have never had dreams of reaching the Olympics or being awarded Poet Laureate, who's to say that I couldn't have done both had I truly put forth the effort to be my best and not just good at what I loved to do?

Here's the great thing about life:

As long as we have breath in our bodies, we are more than able to be whatever our heart's desire. As corny and cliché as it may sound, it's true. At what point will you determine that you are tired of living a life of mediocrity? At one point will you finally "apply yourself"?

Me? I begin today and I will apply myself in greater measure every day that I am allowed to live.

God will take our mediocre attitude and/or habits and clear out the doubt and excuses that keep us from reaching our full potential.

Provision

That moment when God reminds you that you don't need the people you thought you did to achieve the things you dream of achieving >

Let God provide the divine connections and resources needed to bring your vision to fruition. Stop relying on people who aren't part of the Master('s) plan.

"I have stood tall in the presence of God and bowed in worship at His feet...NO MAN or WOMAN on this entire Earth is so great that I cannot be in their presence. GOD goes before me wherever He leads. Walk in confidence onto the path that God has prepared for you! Fear NO MAN!" 

(c) 2013 'Heart of a Queen - Poetry and Prose from the Soul'

I GOT...FIRED!!!!!!

Okay so, I’m being a tad bit dramatic, but this past Wednesday, for the first time since I began working at the ripe old age of fifteen, I was “let go” from my position as a receptionist for a television production company.

Amazingly, even after I received the call from the company president to “come see me in my office”, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. “Whelp Lord. Here we go”, I said aloud as I boarded the elevator to the second floor. Although at peace, I chuckled at the fluttering in my heart as I entered the President’s office to find him, the exec in charge and the head of HR all sitting, awaiting my arrival.

*cues suspenseful music*

But look, this isn’t about my current state of unemployment, or how much I'll miss my job as a receptionist for a REALLY dope television production company that creates shows for major cable networks. I'll spare you the details. 

Purpose and Provision

During the meeting, while the big man was explaining the whys and whats, I did eventually cry because well, it's kinda what I do. But my tears were not chased through my eyes by fear in my heart, they were evidence of the well of gratitude that had been poured into me for the past two years. 

I cried because while these three business execs sat apologizing to me for no longer being able to "afford the luxury of paying someone to answer the phones", I laughed through my tears and thanked them, with a full heart, for every opportunity they afforded me. 

Honestly, in the two years I sat at that desk answering phones, ordering office supplies and entertaining talent waiting for their call-time, I have done more to bring the vision for my craft and my business to fruition than I had done since leaving the Air Force in 2005 to pursue the same vision.

Let me tell you about it...(see the *fairly short but amusing* video below) 

So, Now What? 

When accepting the peace and purposes of God in faith, there are no "buts"...Will there be uncertainties? Of course. Will there be doubts? Mos def. However, you'll either choose to trust Him or you won't. #iTrustHim 

My choice to remain positive in the face of adversity isn't based on blind faith, naiveté or even arrogance. It is based on PURPOSE. 

I can't even get mad at those who don't find my "silver lining" perspective as realistic...Not everyone is in the same place in their faith walk. But I trust that my life will show what it means to trust God and His purposes.

*BEAM*

a Gospel - Just Do It | Day 6 | #BlogADay

"This is that moment in life when clichés are more than mere rhetoric

"Just do it" becomes gospel

That moment when
Excuses sound easier than the plan
When sleep soothes the pain better than the idea pushing to bring it to fruition

In this moment
Yesterday's failure is either a costly, wandering stream of spilled milk seeping into today
Or the fresh breath of every possibility at birth
May your cries be declarations that this life will thrive..."

Excerpt from 'a Gospel' by Nina C. Brewton (c) 2013

This video from Adrian Bryant sums up exactly how I'm currently feeling in life. Even though he uses the conditioning of athletes to demonstrate his points, the message can apply to anyone: The student, the entrepreneur, the artist...whatever your vision has purposed for your life, "may your cries be declarations that this life with thrive..."

Post by NowLoss.com - Adrian Bryant.

The Time It Will Take | Day 5 | #BlogADay

Piggy-backing off of yesterday's blog, I received this from +Sweetlocs Taylor this morning.

You cannot turn the corner until you get to it. In order to create a breakthrough, you must lay the groundwork for it.

Real value is built with time, effort and commitment. Don’t cheat yourself out of that value by demanding instant results.

When you’re moving in a positive direction, enjoy the ride and give it the time it takes. Even though the fulfillment is not yet complete, you can already begin to experience it.

Don’t be afraid of the time it will take to make real progress. Be thankful for the opportunity to make an increasingly valuable difference as time goes on.

There is great joy to be found in meaningful effort. The longer and more committed the effort is, the more joy you are able to experience.

Cheerfully give yourself and your work the time it takes. Choose a worthy destination, and treasure every step of the journey.

— Ralph Marston

Grow Where You're Planted | Day 4 | #BlogADay

Every day can't be the best day, but every day can be a great day! A great day is had when we find the strength to focus on being grateful for what we have and content with where we currently are. This is by no means a pass to become complacent but those moments will find that we are constantly and consistently growing and becoming.

There are going to be days when we feel like we're at a stand still or worse, spinning our wheels, digging ourselves deeper and deeper into  Those days where nothing seems to be leaning in your favor, everything appears to be going wrong or falling apart.

But do not fret!

In those moments in life when you don't know which way to go or when you feel like you're not hearing the voice of God, give thanks and take that time to prepare for the vision as you see it. Preparation based on your vision will find you prepared to make a move once the move is revealed.

Find peace where you are while allowing yourself to become all that you've been created to be. Even trees continue growing while their seeds mature, until they are carried away by the winds...

Hunger Feeds Hunger | Day 3 | #BlogADay

As humans we have the responsibility to care for mankind and meet the needs of others through our giving. 

As artists and business-minded people we are able to feed the same perpetual hunger that is within everyone to dream and to see that dream come to fruition. Too often, we allow our own hunger to keep us from giving someone else what they need to realize their dreams. 

Hunger comes in many forms. We all have physical (bread), creative, emotional needs, etc. The hunger of the individual changes based on their individual need. Your experiences and current position in life are thus so that you may use them to meet the need of someone else. 

Do not allow your own hunger to keep you from feeding someone else's. We live a life of abundance, leaving enough for everyone. 

The question is are you willing to give as needed?

2 Corinthians 9

Love Your Lane | Day 2 | Pt. 2 | #BlogADay

What About Me?

I do not consider myself a just a singer nor a musician but rather an artist and an entrepreneur. After years of "supporting" other artists with constant road-trips to events, posts and emails about their new albums, books, gigs, etc., God spoke to me ever so clearly, telling me that the time had come for me to focus on His will for my life. Now, while sowing is required before a harvest, we cannot get so caught up in the sowing that we don't prepare for the harvest!

During this time, it occurred to me that I conveniently neglected my own spark. This flame, continuously extinguished because I was too busy adding fuel to others' fires, often too tired and worn to put forth any effort to bring my own vision to fruition. I was guilty of believing in the talents and abilities of others more than I believed in myself and THIS is not how God created us to be. If I am a creation of The Creator, why am I not creating?

I was guilty of believing in the talents and abilities of others more than I believed in myself and THIS is not how God created us to be. If I am a creation of The Creator, why am I not creating?

A final lesson: Over the years I've come to understand the greater purpose of discernment. With that I've learned that, although my name may not mean much to the masses, it is mine. I've had to learn the hard way that my name can't be associated with every name. Once that association has been made, it is nearly impossible to disassociate yourself. Choose wisely...

I cannot stress how important walking in purpose and using discernment is in our business and ministry dealings. As with our romantic relationships, just because someone is good to us, doesn't mean they are good for us!

I am grateful for every connection and supporter that I am blessed to have shining light on the vision that God has given me. I am most grateful for 

Peace, Love and Light,

*BEAM*

Love Your Lane | Day 2 | Pt. 1 | #BlogADay

The Purpose Driven Church

#Support

This idea that members of various artistic communities around the country refuse to support one another is not totally true. While every community has it's "divas", the majority are very humble, hard-working people, doing all they can to find their way along the path that they've been called to.

The truth of the matter is, many of the people in our artistic community are merely associates in passing. They are familiar faces whom we recognize from our social media networks and/or from being out and about in our respective cities. With people's individual endeavors, day jobs and family obligations, one can't possibly be there to support everything that everyone in their community has on the calendar.

With that being said...

Our circle of direct support is often just like our circle of "BFF's": The fewer the better. Quality is truly better than quantity and I personally, would rather have 10 or fewer SOLID people in my core who can influence their respective communities than have 100+ people "support" me out of presumed obligation based on familiarity, community or association. (See diagram from "The Purpose Driven Church"). Having a strong, smaller core is essential to impacting the masses.

Not everyone's purpose is directly related to mine and that's okay! I'm learning to LOVE MY LANE, trusting that God has appointed every connection I need to bring HIs purpose to fruition and an audience prepared to receive what I have to offer!

Peace, Love and Light,

*BEAM*

Continue reading: Part Two

Ready? Set...GOALS! | Day 1 | #BlogADay

Happy New Year!!!

I've never been a fan of New Year's resolutions. I figure, I'm either on the horse or I'm not. I'm not going to waste time talking about what I plan to do beginning January 1st...(or second because who really wants to put forth any effort on New Year's Day?) I mean, I don't want to be a hypocrite, right?

This is what I've found to be my biggest hindrance when it comes to maintaining momentum after mid-February: 

PACE: In the past I've been terrible at pacing myself, often succumbing to burnout after weeks of working out, fasting and/or waking early in the morning for devotional/time of prayer. To be successful in anything, consistency is key and to be consistent, we must be disciplined and prepared to move forward steadily. Sometimes this means taking the smallest tasks and work to make them a consistent part of our routines.

In 2013 I learned two valuable lessons (I learned MANY but I'll share these two):

1) KNOW. YOUR. WORTH. (more on this in the next week)
2) Even SMALL steps can produce BIG results

P.A.C.E. = Productivity and Acceleration through Consistency and Excellence

                                                         

This year, I've taken a different approach. We've all heard the scripture encouraging us to "...write the vision and make it plain..." This is a guaranteed step in the process of progress so, I created an actual vision statement for myself:

Vision: Spread peace, love and light to the masses through the spoken and written word, music and divine relationships.

This vision statement is included at the top of a list of goals. This list includes everything that I would like to accomplish in my personal and professional life before the end of 2014. Some goals are weekly and others monthly, while many are quarterly. ALL will require daily improvements to my work habits, organization and disciplines.

So far this plan of action seems to be working!!! I am excited to say that even before the end of 2013, two of the goals on my list have already come to fruition!!!

I look forward to sharing with you all that God allows me to see, hear and experience with you this year! Please encourage your friends and family members to subscribe to my monthly email for more inspiration and to keep up with my schedule of events!!! ;-)  

Blessings to you, today and always!

*BEAM*

If I Were to Die...

You ever stop to consider what the world would be like without you? More specifically, what would your workplace be like without you...

While we should all strive for excellence in all we do, it is equally important to establish and maintain BALANCE when it comes to our need for down-time, fun-time, family-time, etc.

Consider this: Lord forbid, that for some reason you were left incapacitated, somehow unable to get to work, know that the show would go on! We can all be replaced in the blink of an eye so, while striving for excellence or climbing that professional ladder, do not allow work to keep you from living the rest of your life.

When you take a lunch break, TURN YOUR PHONE OFF! Actually LEAVE the building, even if you just take a lap or two around the block, it is important to take a break from projects and tasks. ***You'll also find that you'll be rejuvenated and more productive upon your return to the office!***

After heading home for the evening, don't forward your office phone to your personal phone. Use an app like Hootsuite to schedule emails/tweets/posts in advance so that you won't have to stop what you're doing throughout the weekend to send those important messages.

Even for those who are self-employed, establish and honor your working hours. There's a lot of talk of "the grind" and hustlin' while others are sleeping but what good is success if you're unable to enjoy the fruit of your labor because you're always busy "grinding" or straight up too exhausted and/or sick to enjoy your down-time?

It's not enough to merely exist. Take the time today to LIVE!

Decide today that you will maximize your time in a way that is best for not only you but for those who love you. Determine to spend more time doing the things you love, not just the things you think are most important to get ahead in life. Be willing to make YOU your priority and allow God to direct your steps regarding the details!

Relax and learn to just be...

#TheLostFiles - 'Noise' - 10/5/10

Noise.  The world is full of noise.  And distractions…

Some days I wake up and it rings in my ears immediately…other times, I was restless during a night’s sleep thinking about what I would say to the noise…who would listen to mine…sometimes, we dream of noise.

This week, I decided to detoxify my body. Through disciplined consumption of fruits, some vegetables and, protein, and other fluids, it has been my goal to cleanse my body of any toxins that may be present in an attempt to jump-start my progress towards physical fitness goals.  It is my hope that this detox will supplement the healthy choices I’ve been making for about three months now.  I also seek to remain motivated and dedicated to the healthy lifestyle that I have finally found my way back into.

I decided that now would be a good time take a step back and re-evaluate where I stand professionally.  I have recently become frustrated with my position in life all over again.  I see the vision God has given me daily…it tugs at my heart every time I see a young person struggling with the do’s and don’ts of life – with the relationships their in, with the transitions that they go through. 

The vision is vivid.  And although I recognize the colors as mine, and even some of the shapes and smells of the vision, too often, I place that vision on the back burner to support the dreams and ideas of others.  To promote music and events and people who I believe in…oftentimes failing to support and believe in myself.

Through the use of social media, I have gathered an outstanding network of people.  Many who are visionaries and driven towards success just as I am.  We build daily  and encourage one another regularly and I know without a shadow of a doubt, that many of these vary people will be some of my greatest supporters when the time comes to buy my book, promote my shows or invite me to speak to their youth group or organization.  Many have already displayed great potential in being a part of the network that God will use to catapult my vision to levels that I have yet to imagine.

Facebook and Twitter both started out as a great way for me to network and promote artists/events that I support but it QUICKLY became a whole lot of everything but that.

Again, a lot of what I long to do professionally is based around social media. From promoting artists and events that I'm involved with to networking and promoting myself as a writer/speaker/vocalist, social media can be a phenomenal tool...

...on the same token, being that I am such a transparent and social person, it is easy to get distracted with simply being a "life commentator" (as I've been called) and being "social" instead of focusing on the potential business...

I want every tweet to be meaningful, that way, when people see me in their timeline, they truly value what I have to say and not just disregard my tweets because I'm talking about what I made for dinner...

If I am to build a brand and use social media as a means of building that, then, it needs to be more purposeful...

  

Communication. 

“Everything is driven my communication.  We are constantly talking to each other…determined to be heard.  “The enemy has us so busy communicating with each other, that he’s using systems to make us talk to each other…” and in turn, we’re failing to communicate with God.

Our communication with each other is an expensive trick…we’re being charged to talk to each other.  It’s costly to keep speaking to each other and even more costly to not speak to God.