Healing through Forgiveness

Lord, by your Holy Spirit, I ask that you give me the words to release any feelings of bitterness, hurt, betrayal and unforgiveness once and for all. In the name of Jesus, peace is mine, now and forever, amen.

So, it’s been on my heart to write to you for a couple of months now. I’ve never been one to hold grudges and even take pride in my ability to forgive others but for some reason, I have had the most difficult time dealing with my lost relationship with you. It was during a recent time of reflection that I realized that I am often able to forgive because I am an expressive individual. Generally, as long as I am able to get what I need to say off of my chest, I’m able to move forward and forgive. Then, God showed me the flaw in this “ability”.

I recently saw a quote online that said, “I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received.”

Ouch.

Those words got me thinking about all the things that I would ever tell you if given the opportunity. Unfortunately, it’s been nearly a year and you will barely even respond to my texts for well-wishes at different points in your life so, a conversation about the state of our friendship doesn’t seem likely. These truths opened my eyes to what may never be and more importantly, what simply isn’t necessary.

In the weeks following that post, God began showing me that it’s not important to point out all the ways a person has hurt you. Yes, I can pinpoint the exact day that our relationship began to change and all the things you did to wrong me and even all the things that I could have done better in response to the shift, but God also began to show me the growth that is possible from finally forgiving you and moving on…

Eight months ago, I was led to change my lifestyle and go vegan to rid my body of uterine fibroids which have been wrecking havoc on my body, mind and intimacy in my marriage for years now. The Lord told me, “you will be healed by your obedience.” I was so excited to start my new journey as a vegan and within two months, saw remarkable changes in my cycles and overall health.

Additionally, we’ve been actively trying to conceive. Since last summer, I have had it clear in my heart that I will at least be pregnant in 2016. I was hoping for a baby in hand this year but hey, we’ll take a growing seed! I know God’s promises to be true and am standing on the Word He gave me that I will be healed by my obedience. So, I’ve been growing in discipline regarding my dietary habits and what I consume but have recently felt that this is not enough…

We all know that the Word commands that we “forgive as Christ has forgiven us” and that we should forgive, so that our prayers may be heard. Scientifically, it has also been proven that harboring feelings of anger and bitterness can have a negative impact on our overall health. But how many times have we ignored what we know and justified our behavior…?

About a month ago, God began nudging me to write this letter to you. I kept making excuses like, “He probably won’t read it anyway…” or “…why should I have to write a letter when I’m not the one who abandoned our friendship!?” So, I ignored the unction and kept it moving. Within weeks, the Holy Spirit was showing me how my unforgiveness was keeping me from being fully healed and getting pregnant. Knowing what I know about the power of forgiveness, I had the audacity to still ignore the urge to write to you until one day…

I was in a Sunday service and that day, our pastor was talking about being led by the Holy Spirit. Now, while much of the full service may be a blur during the altar call, I heard God’s voice loud and clear. He told me straight up that I must forgive for the sake of the daughter that I’ve been praying for. He told me, “I will not allow my child to be conceived in a place where bitterness and unforgiveness reside. What I have for her is too great for her to be created in the presence of such negative energy.”

All I could do is weep and weep, thanking God for His Word concerning me, my heart and my daughter. During this time of crying, I felt a heaviness lift from me that I hadn’t even realized was there. I experienced a much needed release knowing that things were different – that my heart was being purified.

Lord, forgive me for my disobedience! All this time, I’ve been limiting God to only healing my womb through a change in my diet and while I am most thankful for the healing that has taken place thus far, my obedience goes well beyond just that! God is trying to heal my heart. He’s using my obedience to bring my spirit back into full alignment with Him and to bring me back into His perfect will for my life – to be WHOLE.

God is showing me that I cannot be the Light with any bit of darkness in my heart; consuming my mind. While Light is ever present, the slightest bit of darkness can cast shadows where the sun is needed. Those shadows manifesting in areas of our lives that are not directly related to the situation that caused the unforgiveness to be present.

From forgiveness to being more patient on the road, my goal is to be the best mother that I can be knowing that God has placed a calling on the lives of my children that requires them to be conceived in the purest love possible – the Love of God.

I love you. I always have and always will and while my heart was once broken by the demise of our friendship, I thank God for healing my heart and covering my mind. I thank God for you and everything that you’ve been in my life and trust that my forgiving you will allow my prayers for you and your family to reach the heart of God on your behalf.

I pray that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for any pain that I may have caused you during the tumultuous time in our relationship.

May you continue to grow according to the will of God, in all things, for His glory.

Your Sister, 

Nina

"I'll Give You Somethin' to Cry ABOUT!"

As corny as some of these sound, the concept makes perfect sense. Part of our interaction with children is to teach by SHOWING them how to effectively communicate as we teach them other life lessons, manners, etc.

We have to start treating them as young "people" because well, they are. 

If we wouldn't allow other adults to speak to us so harshly, why should we do the same to mere children?

Furthermore, the age old adage that "children should be seen, not heard" needs to be put to rest. We teach children the importance of timing and tact, key elements in healthy communication and building healthy relationships, when we allow them to speak their minds and express themselves. This also aids in healthy emotional/psychological development. No one likes to be "shut down" every time they attempt to share how they feel/what they think. 

Of course there will always be exceptions based on specific children and situations but keep this thinking in mind the next time you speak to a child.

Really, taking this approach and working to be patient enough to ask our youth questions about their behavior/feelings helps to improve their comprehension and enables them to be able to think for themselves and adequately convey what they're feeling.

I tell children (and teens) all the time, "use your words" and "I need you to be able to tell me WHY you feel the way you feel or WHY you're behaving in this way".

When I was growing up, "I dunno" was NOT an acceptable answer!

#WordsMatter #BeInspired #BEInspiredAsIAMInspired#LightBegetsLight #WeBeTheLight

Love Your Lane | Day 2 | Pt. 2 | #BlogADay

What About Me?

I do not consider myself a just a singer nor a musician but rather an artist and an entrepreneur. After years of "supporting" other artists with constant road-trips to events, posts and emails about their new albums, books, gigs, etc., God spoke to me ever so clearly, telling me that the time had come for me to focus on His will for my life. Now, while sowing is required before a harvest, we cannot get so caught up in the sowing that we don't prepare for the harvest!

During this time, it occurred to me that I conveniently neglected my own spark. This flame, continuously extinguished because I was too busy adding fuel to others' fires, often too tired and worn to put forth any effort to bring my own vision to fruition. I was guilty of believing in the talents and abilities of others more than I believed in myself and THIS is not how God created us to be. If I am a creation of The Creator, why am I not creating?

I was guilty of believing in the talents and abilities of others more than I believed in myself and THIS is not how God created us to be. If I am a creation of The Creator, why am I not creating?

A final lesson: Over the years I've come to understand the greater purpose of discernment. With that I've learned that, although my name may not mean much to the masses, it is mine. I've had to learn the hard way that my name can't be associated with every name. Once that association has been made, it is nearly impossible to disassociate yourself. Choose wisely...

I cannot stress how important walking in purpose and using discernment is in our business and ministry dealings. As with our romantic relationships, just because someone is good to us, doesn't mean they are good for us!

I am grateful for every connection and supporter that I am blessed to have shining light on the vision that God has given me. I am most grateful for 

Peace, Love and Light,

*BEAM*

Love Your Lane | Day 2 | Pt. 1 | #BlogADay

The Purpose Driven Church

#Support

This idea that members of various artistic communities around the country refuse to support one another is not totally true. While every community has it's "divas", the majority are very humble, hard-working people, doing all they can to find their way along the path that they've been called to.

The truth of the matter is, many of the people in our artistic community are merely associates in passing. They are familiar faces whom we recognize from our social media networks and/or from being out and about in our respective cities. With people's individual endeavors, day jobs and family obligations, one can't possibly be there to support everything that everyone in their community has on the calendar.

With that being said...

Our circle of direct support is often just like our circle of "BFF's": The fewer the better. Quality is truly better than quantity and I personally, would rather have 10 or fewer SOLID people in my core who can influence their respective communities than have 100+ people "support" me out of presumed obligation based on familiarity, community or association. (See diagram from "The Purpose Driven Church"). Having a strong, smaller core is essential to impacting the masses.

Not everyone's purpose is directly related to mine and that's okay! I'm learning to LOVE MY LANE, trusting that God has appointed every connection I need to bring HIs purpose to fruition and an audience prepared to receive what I have to offer!

Peace, Love and Light,

*BEAM*

Continue reading: Part Two

Getting What You Deserve...Or Not

We are naturally self-centered...selfish even. Selfishness is known to be human nature but we all know many people who seem to have hearts of gold and are able to give and do without expecting anything in return. 

It's also natural and only right to give credit where credit is due. However...

...don't worry about fighting/begging to receive what you (think you) deserve. Keep playing YOUR PART and your every need will be met. Not just in business but in EVERY relationship.

If we meet the needs of those we say we love/respect, they'll bend over backwards to meet ours. 

And FYI for married couples: The law of ‪#‎sowingandreaping works at home too.

It really is quite simple.

I used to get so frustrated for not receiving recognition or the return I thought I deserved for a job well done. God had to show me that my job is to continue doing what I've been called to do, be it at work, in my marriage or otherwise.

I was called to do my BEST, wherever I am planted! Whether in ministry or as a server at a BBQ joint, once I TRULY learned the meaning of having a servant's heart, I began to find peace – not only in what I do for others but in the return I receive from my seed.

During this time, I also had to learn to use discernment when determining whether I was actually being neglected and/or taken advantage of or simply being selfish in my own expectations.

Just Say No to #NoNewFriends

So, there's a new hashtag/catchphrase going around. I just learned that #NoNewFriends is based on a Drake song by the same name. 

I haven't heard the song but I, for one, LOVE meting new people. Everyone won't be a "bestie" or even an actual "friend" but don't limit yourself because of fear of disappointment. Just learn to be more discerning about your immediate circle and the expectations you place on people. 

Everyone has their place. Some closer than others. 

And just think, adopting a #NoNewFriends mentality may keep the wrong friends in your life for far too long! The same attitude may keep people OUT who God may use to take your life in a new direction! 

This brings me back to a blog that I started based on a conversation with a young, successful actor from my hometown on FB about a week ago. He asked:

"Why is it our culture makes you feel bad about your accomplishments? When I left Wichita I was told to be the best, and now I'm in a position of success I've changed. I'm still the same Tyrice who grew up on 13th and Minnesota! I never changed, your perception of me changed."

His words are noble. Honorable even. Growing up, we all have dreams that we'll make it to the top and bring all of our best friends and main men along with us but the fact of the matter is, not everyone is meant to remain your friend or "roll dog" for life. Not everyone positioned to go where you're going in the world. 

If we're working hard to pursue our dreams and live a life of purpose then it should show! You should have "changed" in the eyes of others. I told young Tyrice:

"If you're the same person that you were on 13th and Minnesota, then you may need to go back to and start over. No one can make you feel bad about your accomplishments..."

Working with students/youth who are college or military bound, I tell them all the time,

"you'll go home to visit and find many of your friends and family doing the same stuff they were doing when you left, and that's okay."

I shared this with Tyrice and continued, 

"YOU have to be okay with being better/different than you were when you left. It is not your responsibility to make people comfortable with the person you're becoming. If they feel "some kind of way", they need to re-examine who they are (and are not)."

I went on to tell he and all the others now involved in his original post a story (because I have a story for everything): 

"Last year I was working at a local Olive Garden and one of my co-workers, angry with my happy-go-lucky demeanor, yelled across the kitchen, "NINA THINKS SHE'S BETTER THAN EVERYBODY!" I paused, turned around and assured him that his insecurities told him that I was better than him. I am mindful that my actions never say, "I'm better than..." anyone. I am better than *I* used to be. That's all I can speak for."

The good thing is this: (lots of colons in this post) 

We'll find that we generally won't have to separate ourselves from our pasts or the people in it! If we just allow it and continue moving forward, we will find that we'll shed ourselves of EVERYTHING (including people) from our former life. It will truly happen naturally, without strive! It's when we try to hold on to our past that the transition becomes painful!

Know When to Release and When to Reach

Dramas: Loving Me & The Things I Hate About Me

I hate that I'm the one to always reach out...

...that I seem to love harder than ppl seem 2 love me...

...that my heart is as big and as open as it is...and that I can't help but show it...

...that I cry over the sunrise and Kleenex commercials...

...that I am either hot or cold...

...that there is no gray area...

...that I am so expressive...

...that I oftentimes want more for others than they want for themselves...

...that I find it easier to encourage/support others more than I encourage/support myself...

...that I...

...that I still struggle with loving the things I hate about myself.

But because I realize Who created me, I am learning to love me, and all of the things I hate about me…

…because all of these things, are what make me me.

I understand that my heart is open in a world so easily closed off to the warmth of a full heart...

...that people may not know how to love…

…that maybe I can show them how…

...that God gave me arms for reaching…especially for those who pull away…

...that it's my responsibility to teach people how to love me...

…that sometimes, people want more for me than I want for myself…

…that people know they can count on me for encouragement and support…

…I am learning to love me…in spite of me.

To love me just as God created me to be.

#NaturalHair - The New Bougie

Note:  If you would prefer to view the vlog based on this same topic, please see the video below! ;-)

I have recently had mixed emotions about the sudden "trend" of sisters wearing natural hair as I have worn my hair natural for the majority of my adult life after completing my first "big chop" when I was 15 years old -- before there was ever a big chop to be had.

With recent popularity, I found that I began to take a somewhat elitist stance on natural hair, making me no better than the sisters who choose to go natural or even rock a "bald head" because it's the current "in" thing to do. I was no better than the hair care/beauty industries, magazines and advertisers who are riding this new wave to capitalize on the trend.  

I had to take a step back and realize that, from pop culture to politics, sometimes it takes a trend or a "fad" to generate change in the hearts of even one person and in turn, that one person can be the spark that revolutionizes the world.

So, who am I to keep the trend from growing into a true way of life?

As I've grown as a woman and a “naturalista”, I am dedicated to not only sharing with sisters the truth that "good hair is healthy hair" and that natural hair is healthier hair but that living a healthy lifestyle overall enhances our beauty in ways that go well beyond the way we wear our hair.

I’m no “natural hair Nazi” who feels that all women should wear natural hair. My concern is for sisters who feel they can’t wear natural hair and be beautiful; those who feel their hair has to be “relaxed” to be “good”. My issue is the same for sisters who feel they have to wear make-up, weave, false lashes…

But this isn’t about them right now…

This is about us. This is about those of us who have somehow managed to “recondition” our minds to understand that we don’t have to maintain societal standards of beauty. This is about our position and the power that we have to encourage those sisters who are still growing in their hair journey.

How dare we take an elitist stance on something that many of us struggled with ourselves? Many not so long ago…

Most of us were raised by generations of women who depended on lye, weaves and wigs to fit into European standards of beauty. As sisters attempt to renew their thinking, they should not feel alienated because they haven’t “arrived” to where you are in your natural hair revolution!

As with any other area of life, growth and revelation are an ongoing process. For those of us who have found comfort and confidence in our own natural texture of hair, we should be encouraging our sisters in every way possible to feel beautiful, regardless of their current position in life.

                                                                                          

We don’t want sisters to fail to see all of the benefits and beauty that comes with being natural. We don’t want our lifestyle to not be received, or even considered, because of an uppity, belittling attitude towards those who are still growing with us. As with anything, presentation is everything.

***Quick sidenote/example: I hate math. Always have and I’m certain I always will. Regardless of how I feel about the subject, math was an important part of my intellectual, scholastic and social development.

As much as I disliked math, I wasn’t a total failure at because every so often, I would be assigned to a teacher who was willing to be patient and work with my non-mathematical mind, presenting equations and formulas in a way that I would understand and receive. Their angle made the difference. Many were able to make it so that I actually enjoyed the class! Who would have ever thought...?

So, bottom line: Get over yourself. In all things you do, seek to inspire others to be their best and to recognize the beauty that was planted within them when they were created. Sisters have it hard enough without us tearing one another down.

May the trend continue to grow and may the revolution begin with you! To my sisters considering going natural, welcome to the club! Don't stop til you get enough! *cues MJ*

Pruning and Purging

To all of you dealing w/the purging of "friends" in your life, again I remind you that you are not alone in this purging season. A plentiful harvest cannot come forth without properly purging. The harvest you’ve been expecting from your sowing is coming forth. Be prepared to receive it! If you hold on to what God is trying to remove, you won't have room to receive what He has for you! MAKE ROOM in your life for the promises of God to come to fruition!

Be mindful, when you are purging to not be too rough on the pieces you’re removing! Those pieces may not be dead totally and can be revived later with time and proper care. Just like with pruning a plant...there may be a piece that was too weak to help the whole plant grow, but on its own, it can flourish, becoming a whole new plant later in life. Relationships are the same way. Some may not be healthy for your growth NOW, but in the future, they may be a vital part of your life.

So, as you prune and purge, do not do so with a spiteful heart. Always walk in love and grace. I am glad to say that I am still friends with many who, at one point, were removed from my life! No distaste or bitterness involved!

I give thanks to God for allowing my life and my experiences to help you overcome! He is so good!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005--Peace in the Kingdom

I have a sister who asked me to pray for her that she would get her mind off of "him". She said she's prayed and prayed about it herself and I realized that I had went through the same thing with my own "him" a few years back and as I was speaking this to her, it ministered to me as well:

If you're gonna pray for the Lord to take your mind off of a person or thing, pray it once, call it done and move it forward. It didn't make sense for me to keep going to God sayin, "oh Lord...blah, blah, blah, take my mind off him." By continuously doing that, my mind was still on HIM!? (the very person I was "praying" I'd get over...)

Instead...to truly find peace, take more time to worship God. Tell God how amazing He is, how wonderful, how merciful. Thank Him for the good times and the lessons learned.
When we get involved in relationships, we tend to give ALL of our energy, time and emotions to that individual and to making it WORK with that individual.  If God were truly our priority, we would take the time to worship and praise God, that way we won't even be thinking about worshipping and praising him/her.

Nothing and no one deserves all of my energy/emotions BUT God!
My favorite Scripture in life right now...Matt 6:33:
"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all things will be added unto you."

February 6, 2010--Additional thinking:
Although this original blog was in response to someone's failed relationship, these same principles must be applied to every single area of our lives.  It is a matter of us having our priorities in order.

We have a lot to deal with in the natural world going beyond mere relationships; Finances, education, work, material things, these are all things that can take a toll on our spiritual stability and maturity if we keep our sights on them and not on our life's purpose and on God.

Seek ye first...

Prayer & Fasting-Focus #2 Friends & Family (Relationships)

So…people, build families and families build strong communities and the cycle carries on to create the world we live in. The Word speaks of a time when people will be:

Romans 1:30 “…backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents…” If our families can’t hold it together, how do we expect any salvation for the world lest we seek Jesus…?

We see evidence of this Scripture coming to pass DAILY.  Some in our personal lives, on TV, in music...it is everywhere.  This means that it's up to us to change the cycle in our lives. 

Lord, today I focus on You and Your relationships with people…or shall I say, our relationship with You. First and foremost, parents and their children need you. Families need you. Help young children and adult children alike understand that their parents are human too. Help them to be patient and loving towards their parents and allow parents to do the same with their children, regardless of their age. Increase their communication with one another Lord…not only communication but understanding of each other as well.

Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."

Heal our wounds and refresh us with Your Spirit…

We are human. No one is perfect but You Lord, and although many of us have You within us, righteousness only takes us but so far when it comes to other humans…allow parents to live according to Your will and may children see You in their parents, always…even when mistakes are made. May they see Your love and your intentions for their life…with You.

May relationships in general grow stronger because of Your strength. I pray that You show Yourself strong Lord, help us to make wise decisions regarding every relationship that we are introduced to and those that we are currently involved in.

Some relationships we’re born into and some, we walk into willingly. With those that we walk into, sometimes it’s Your will and other times, it’s our own. I ask that You help those that I know and love to receive a relationship (or greater relationship) with You FIRST.

From there Lord, I ask that You show them what relationships to hold onto and which ones to release. For those that they are called to maintain, I ask that you help them to cultivate those relationships according to Your will.

For every relationship that You’ve given to Raphael and I, help us to not only “fellowship” with our friends and family, but to show them You and encourage them with Your Spirit and Your Word. Always. Help us to minister to them constantly through our lives with You.

I pray all of these things in the name of Jesus. Amen. *says “Amen” in sign language…and sings it like the end of doxology* LOL

"Giving Credit Where Credit is Due"

This note was originally in response to a note on Facebook by a young lady named Rochelle but after being "checked" by facebook and getting my looong reply shut down, I decided to just write a note myself. And then it turned into a blog!??!?!

This note is not dedicated to only Rochelle, but to anyone who is currently in any sort of "romantic" relationship and if you're not and you read this, I pray that the words will be useful to your life somewhere in your future…

Rochelle,

First of all, I'd like to commend you for giving credit where credit is due. Our men need to hear us admit that we are wrong (when we are wrong). It takes a strong person to humble themselves and admit when we have hurt someone else, regardless of the reason...I am SO very glad for one line that you said in this note...a lot of it was important, very important, but the number one thing for you to always remember is that you DESERVE to be loved!? No matter what you've done, what's been done to you or even who you give love to, you deserve to be loved, respected, cared for...all of those things that your heart desires and your life needs, you deserve.

Don't you dare ever settle for anything less...and just like you deserve all of these things, so do our men. Women often get caught up in wanting so much "respect" that we forget to give it. We are used to seeing our mothers, aunts, sisters, friends being the victims of "no good men" that being disrespected has become the expectation. Don't ever let this be your expectation...but in order to receive, you've gotta give.

I wish I could meet this young man...and hope that I can some day...in the meanwhile I pray that you two are walking in God's will and that you are learning to COMMUNICATE. Communication is the ultimate key to any relationship. People think the key is trust but if you are communicating, the trust will be established. Others think it's good sex...um...if you're communicating, the sex will BE. GOOD. (When it's time of course!!!!??? Ha!)

The only way armies can be effective in war is with open, clear lines of communication. Without communication, there is no unity, without unity, the battle will be lost...Understand that relationships, marriages in particular, are ordained by God and they represent His relationship with us. Anything that looks like God, the enemy wants to destroy. This is why relationships are always attacked. This is why the divorce rate is so high, in this country in particular…because we are at "war".

I don't mean to get all "spooky" or "religious" on you but for real, take a look at the relationships of those around you and even your own and ask what is it that causes any drama that we/they encounter? Most times, it will be miscommunication that leads to arguments, fights or whatever…I could go on and on, but I'm tired *looks at clock* so, I'll leave you with this...

Ephesians 4:2-3 (NLT) 2 "Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace."

Humility+Patience+Communication=Peace=Unity