Healing through Forgiveness

Lord, by your Holy Spirit, I ask that you give me the words to release any feelings of bitterness, hurt, betrayal and unforgiveness once and for all. In the name of Jesus, peace is mine, now and forever, amen.

So, it’s been on my heart to write to you for a couple of months now. I’ve never been one to hold grudges and even take pride in my ability to forgive others but for some reason, I have had the most difficult time dealing with my lost relationship with you. It was during a recent time of reflection that I realized that I am often able to forgive because I am an expressive individual. Generally, as long as I am able to get what I need to say off of my chest, I’m able to move forward and forgive. Then, God showed me the flaw in this “ability”.

I recently saw a quote online that said, “I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received.”

Ouch.

Those words got me thinking about all the things that I would ever tell you if given the opportunity. Unfortunately, it’s been nearly a year and you will barely even respond to my texts for well-wishes at different points in your life so, a conversation about the state of our friendship doesn’t seem likely. These truths opened my eyes to what may never be and more importantly, what simply isn’t necessary.

In the weeks following that post, God began showing me that it’s not important to point out all the ways a person has hurt you. Yes, I can pinpoint the exact day that our relationship began to change and all the things you did to wrong me and even all the things that I could have done better in response to the shift, but God also began to show me the growth that is possible from finally forgiving you and moving on…

Eight months ago, I was led to change my lifestyle and go vegan to rid my body of uterine fibroids which have been wrecking havoc on my body, mind and intimacy in my marriage for years now. The Lord told me, “you will be healed by your obedience.” I was so excited to start my new journey as a vegan and within two months, saw remarkable changes in my cycles and overall health.

Additionally, we’ve been actively trying to conceive. Since last summer, I have had it clear in my heart that I will at least be pregnant in 2016. I was hoping for a baby in hand this year but hey, we’ll take a growing seed! I know God’s promises to be true and am standing on the Word He gave me that I will be healed by my obedience. So, I’ve been growing in discipline regarding my dietary habits and what I consume but have recently felt that this is not enough…

We all know that the Word commands that we “forgive as Christ has forgiven us” and that we should forgive, so that our prayers may be heard. Scientifically, it has also been proven that harboring feelings of anger and bitterness can have a negative impact on our overall health. But how many times have we ignored what we know and justified our behavior…?

About a month ago, God began nudging me to write this letter to you. I kept making excuses like, “He probably won’t read it anyway…” or “…why should I have to write a letter when I’m not the one who abandoned our friendship!?” So, I ignored the unction and kept it moving. Within weeks, the Holy Spirit was showing me how my unforgiveness was keeping me from being fully healed and getting pregnant. Knowing what I know about the power of forgiveness, I had the audacity to still ignore the urge to write to you until one day…

I was in a Sunday service and that day, our pastor was talking about being led by the Holy Spirit. Now, while much of the full service may be a blur during the altar call, I heard God’s voice loud and clear. He told me straight up that I must forgive for the sake of the daughter that I’ve been praying for. He told me, “I will not allow my child to be conceived in a place where bitterness and unforgiveness reside. What I have for her is too great for her to be created in the presence of such negative energy.”

All I could do is weep and weep, thanking God for His Word concerning me, my heart and my daughter. During this time of crying, I felt a heaviness lift from me that I hadn’t even realized was there. I experienced a much needed release knowing that things were different – that my heart was being purified.

Lord, forgive me for my disobedience! All this time, I’ve been limiting God to only healing my womb through a change in my diet and while I am most thankful for the healing that has taken place thus far, my obedience goes well beyond just that! God is trying to heal my heart. He’s using my obedience to bring my spirit back into full alignment with Him and to bring me back into His perfect will for my life – to be WHOLE.

God is showing me that I cannot be the Light with any bit of darkness in my heart; consuming my mind. While Light is ever present, the slightest bit of darkness can cast shadows where the sun is needed. Those shadows manifesting in areas of our lives that are not directly related to the situation that caused the unforgiveness to be present.

From forgiveness to being more patient on the road, my goal is to be the best mother that I can be knowing that God has placed a calling on the lives of my children that requires them to be conceived in the purest love possible – the Love of God.

I love you. I always have and always will and while my heart was once broken by the demise of our friendship, I thank God for healing my heart and covering my mind. I thank God for you and everything that you’ve been in my life and trust that my forgiving you will allow my prayers for you and your family to reach the heart of God on your behalf.

I pray that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for any pain that I may have caused you during the tumultuous time in our relationship.

May you continue to grow according to the will of God, in all things, for His glory.

Your Sister, 

Nina

Provision

That moment when God reminds you that you don't need the people you thought you did to achieve the things you dream of achieving >

Let God provide the divine connections and resources needed to bring your vision to fruition. Stop relying on people who aren't part of the Master('s) plan.

"I have stood tall in the presence of God and bowed in worship at His feet...NO MAN or WOMAN on this entire Earth is so great that I cannot be in their presence. GOD goes before me wherever He leads. Walk in confidence onto the path that God has prepared for you! Fear NO MAN!" 

(c) 2013 'Heart of a Queen - Poetry and Prose from the Soul'

I GOT...FIRED!!!!!!

Okay so, I’m being a tad bit dramatic, but this past Wednesday, for the first time since I began working at the ripe old age of fifteen, I was “let go” from my position as a receptionist for a television production company.

Amazingly, even after I received the call from the company president to “come see me in my office”, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. “Whelp Lord. Here we go”, I said aloud as I boarded the elevator to the second floor. Although at peace, I chuckled at the fluttering in my heart as I entered the President’s office to find him, the exec in charge and the head of HR all sitting, awaiting my arrival.

*cues suspenseful music*

But look, this isn’t about my current state of unemployment, or how much I'll miss my job as a receptionist for a REALLY dope television production company that creates shows for major cable networks. I'll spare you the details. 

Purpose and Provision

During the meeting, while the big man was explaining the whys and whats, I did eventually cry because well, it's kinda what I do. But my tears were not chased through my eyes by fear in my heart, they were evidence of the well of gratitude that had been poured into me for the past two years. 

I cried because while these three business execs sat apologizing to me for no longer being able to "afford the luxury of paying someone to answer the phones", I laughed through my tears and thanked them, with a full heart, for every opportunity they afforded me. 

Honestly, in the two years I sat at that desk answering phones, ordering office supplies and entertaining talent waiting for their call-time, I have done more to bring the vision for my craft and my business to fruition than I had done since leaving the Air Force in 2005 to pursue the same vision.

Let me tell you about it...(see the *fairly short but amusing* video below) 

So, Now What? 

When accepting the peace and purposes of God in faith, there are no "buts"...Will there be uncertainties? Of course. Will there be doubts? Mos def. However, you'll either choose to trust Him or you won't. #iTrustHim 

My choice to remain positive in the face of adversity isn't based on blind faith, naiveté or even arrogance. It is based on PURPOSE. 

I can't even get mad at those who don't find my "silver lining" perspective as realistic...Not everyone is in the same place in their faith walk. But I trust that my life will show what it means to trust God and His purposes.

*BEAM*

Grow Where You're Planted | Day 4 | #BlogADay

Every day can't be the best day, but every day can be a great day! A great day is had when we find the strength to focus on being grateful for what we have and content with where we currently are. This is by no means a pass to become complacent but those moments will find that we are constantly and consistently growing and becoming.

There are going to be days when we feel like we're at a stand still or worse, spinning our wheels, digging ourselves deeper and deeper into  Those days where nothing seems to be leaning in your favor, everything appears to be going wrong or falling apart.

But do not fret!

In those moments in life when you don't know which way to go or when you feel like you're not hearing the voice of God, give thanks and take that time to prepare for the vision as you see it. Preparation based on your vision will find you prepared to make a move once the move is revealed.

Find peace where you are while allowing yourself to become all that you've been created to be. Even trees continue growing while their seeds mature, until they are carried away by the winds...

Hunger Feeds Hunger | Day 3 | #BlogADay

As humans we have the responsibility to care for mankind and meet the needs of others through our giving. 

As artists and business-minded people we are able to feed the same perpetual hunger that is within everyone to dream and to see that dream come to fruition. Too often, we allow our own hunger to keep us from giving someone else what they need to realize their dreams. 

Hunger comes in many forms. We all have physical (bread), creative, emotional needs, etc. The hunger of the individual changes based on their individual need. Your experiences and current position in life are thus so that you may use them to meet the need of someone else. 

Do not allow your own hunger to keep you from feeding someone else's. We live a life of abundance, leaving enough for everyone. 

The question is are you willing to give as needed?

2 Corinthians 9

Ready? Set...GOALS! | Day 1 | #BlogADay

Happy New Year!!!

I've never been a fan of New Year's resolutions. I figure, I'm either on the horse or I'm not. I'm not going to waste time talking about what I plan to do beginning January 1st...(or second because who really wants to put forth any effort on New Year's Day?) I mean, I don't want to be a hypocrite, right?

This is what I've found to be my biggest hindrance when it comes to maintaining momentum after mid-February: 

PACE: In the past I've been terrible at pacing myself, often succumbing to burnout after weeks of working out, fasting and/or waking early in the morning for devotional/time of prayer. To be successful in anything, consistency is key and to be consistent, we must be disciplined and prepared to move forward steadily. Sometimes this means taking the smallest tasks and work to make them a consistent part of our routines.

In 2013 I learned two valuable lessons (I learned MANY but I'll share these two):

1) KNOW. YOUR. WORTH. (more on this in the next week)
2) Even SMALL steps can produce BIG results

P.A.C.E. = Productivity and Acceleration through Consistency and Excellence

                                                         

This year, I've taken a different approach. We've all heard the scripture encouraging us to "...write the vision and make it plain..." This is a guaranteed step in the process of progress so, I created an actual vision statement for myself:

Vision: Spread peace, love and light to the masses through the spoken and written word, music and divine relationships.

This vision statement is included at the top of a list of goals. This list includes everything that I would like to accomplish in my personal and professional life before the end of 2014. Some goals are weekly and others monthly, while many are quarterly. ALL will require daily improvements to my work habits, organization and disciplines.

So far this plan of action seems to be working!!! I am excited to say that even before the end of 2013, two of the goals on my list have already come to fruition!!!

I look forward to sharing with you all that God allows me to see, hear and experience with you this year! Please encourage your friends and family members to subscribe to my monthly email for more inspiration and to keep up with my schedule of events!!! ;-)  

Blessings to you, today and always!

*BEAM*

Six Ways to Receive Your Harvest (Pastor Isaac Pitre of Christ Nations Church, Texarkana, TX)

I had to revisit this from last year! The Word of God stays TRUE!

I declare: From this day on, I walk in revelation knowledge of the Word.

First of all, we cannot stay at home and reap. Just like a farmer cannot sow from sitting around doing nothing, neither shall he receive a harvest without action! Psalm 6:6-9 speaks to the life of the sluggard and shows us the truth that poverty will fall upon those who are unwilling to work.

With that being said, we must truly gain an understanding of this truth: 

EVERY time we give, it IS given back to us! If we don't discern how we're receiving it, we will MISS the harvest!

1) Unexpected Income - We all like the idea of receiving random, unexpected money in the mail, but this is actually the LEAST of the harvest...however, it is VERY possible (I'm a witness!)

2) Favor - God speaking to somebody to do you good! Don't miss your favor! If you are a giver, SOMEBODY around you is trying to favor you! FOLLOW THE FAVOR!

The key to this is also one of the GREATEST areas of harvest that we can receive. If we don't have relationships with PEOPLE, how can God use others to extend His favor? We have to be in a position to receive and that always begins with our attitudes towards others.

3) Relationships and CONNECTIONS - Again, your harvest is in the hands of PEOPLE! If you don't discern your relationships...YOU'LL MISS YOUR HARVEST. 

4) Opportunities - Open doors. When a GOD ORDAINED DOOR OPENS, WALK IN IT! 

5) Ideas, Visions, Dreams and Plans - God will continue to bless us with ideas that can be used to build up the Kingdom. When we sow, God sees our level of spiritual maturity and sees that once we are obedient with a little.

6) Divine Obedience to Assignments - Give into the Kingdom! Whatever you give, YOU WILL PROSPER!

We so often miss our harvest because it comes in unexpected "packages". If you sow, ALWAYS look to receive your harvest! As with all things, practice discernment so you don't MISS IT!?

Another word from Pastor Pitre: 'Be Seated'

Today Is When

Wednesday, May 30, 2012 Today is when your life is happening. Now is when life’s opportunities are yours. Within you is a dream, a longing, a purpose, a desire to experience life’s richness in your own unique way. Surrounding you is a universe filled with energy and abundance, and possibilities. Now is when you have the opportunity to connect your most treasured dreams with that abundance, and to bring them to life. Focused, purposeful, inspired action is how you can most effectively do so. On this day, in this moment, the possibilities are more than just intellectual curiosities. Right now, the possibilities are real. Today you can choose, you can take action, you can make a difference and you can make real, satisfying, lasting progress. Today you have the priceless opportunity to live your life as you envision it. The best life you can imagine is today within your grasp. So go beyond mere imagining, and live each moment in the direction of the very best you know life can be. — Ralph Marston The words above are one of those "right on time" posts.  An email sent to me from a friend. Although I was included as part of her daily mass email, receiving this one is like sitting in church with a thousand other people but feeling like the preacher is speaking directly to you. This goes beyond assumed fortune cookie type coincidence, not that I believe that anything is by happenstance or coincidence but this truly spoke to me. Recently being bombarded with feelings of inadequacies and doubts I have come to the realization (again perhaps...) that I have a terrible habit of limiting myself in an attempt to avoid disappointment. I'm certain that I'm not alone in my feelings but I don't want anyone to live according to the limitations of doubt and fear. In order to truly experience the full manifestation of the promises of God, we have to overcome our uncertainties. Our confidence in God comes when we truly seek to live according to His will for our lives. Today, I choose...faith.

Sowing & Reaping

Society has made us a want it "NOW" type of people. We don't want to work for nothin', wait for nothin'. We want what we want NOW. This goes beyond us being a "microwave society".

Even farmers, in an attempt to speed up/increase harvest/meat production, have been known to add steroids to animals & additives to crops...in turn, our food is not as healthy because of all the additives! I'd much rather have a healthy harvest than artificial abundance!

Not to mention children who are overgrown (physically) yet not matured, in turn, creating immature adults!

We can apply the same principles to our spiritual lives. We often plant seeds expecting an immediate return on what we've sown. When we don't see the expected harvest when WE think we should see it, we become discouraged and neglect what we've planted, allowing it to die...or worse, we try to make things happen on our own, showing the immaturity of our spiritual walk by not allowing the process of sowing, (including nurturing) and harvest run it's full course.

"It will all come to pass when God requires it...in the meanwhile, plant your seeds and water accordingly with praise!"

James 1:4

But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

James 5:7-8

Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain. 8 You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.