Preparing the Way -"Dramas of a Bald Head Queen"-2011

Just start writing Nina…type something…laskfja;slkfjaosdifjaosdifjw…So this is how books are started? Vision. Focus…lose focus. Vision. *listens closely* Lord, I can’t do this. Vision. Focus. *pulls hair out* “Lord, not my will but thy will be done…”

What is a preface anyway? I mean, does anyone really read them? I’ve read the prefaces in many a book and somewhere after the fourth page or so, I just fast forward to “Chapter One”. I guess “Disclaimer” would be the equivalent to a preface on forms signed prior to a procedure or, on the label of a product: “Notice to Consumer”. This is my chance to let you, the reader, know that at times, I may ramble. That although I’ve been given a vision for this book, there may be times that I seem unsure or perhaps I’ll seem to teeter over how much of me I’m ready to give. And there’s a lot to give… Also, I have a tendency to write like I speak and now, with the IM and text messaging revolution, I may write like I communicate with my “friends” on Myspace or on the boards of Okayplayer.com (Shouts to ?love and all OKPs). I will have this work edited of course, for the obvious, but I want you to get all of me so there may be a chapter or two where it sounds more like a blog than a best-selling debut. *winks* Literary/English scholars may cringe. Take a deep breath. Let me hold your hand. Now keep reading!!!! Ha! Good…my overuse of ellipses is intentional… Most of my thoughts are in fact incomplete.

It is my hope that through “Drama”, I am able to show you just what God has been doing with me these past 28 years. It’s been quite a time and there have been many people involved in the creation of this woman whose words may or may not make a difference in your life. I pray that these words do in fact make a difference. I pray that through my mishaps, ill decisions, triumphs, disobedience, pains, pleasure and joys, you are able to take from my life something to make yours a little easier. I realized at a young age that I was in a cycle that had to be broken. I realized that, somewhere in high school I believe, I was already making life harder than it had to be. I recall being a child that was always willing to take advice from upperclassmen, my parents, teachers, whomever. I wanted to get as much from others experiences as possible...

The Monster Within

*“…Life can be such a nightmare…I’m trying to keep it together…I’m RUNNIN’ FROM A MONSTER…FEELS LIKE I’M RUNNIN’ FROM A MONSTER…I…I KEEP…RUNNIN’ FROM A MONSTER…FEELS LIKE I’M RUNNIN’, I’M RUNNIN’, I’M RUNNIN’…and I guess I’ve run the wrong way…how could I have been so blind. Well, I guess I’m just a fool then, to think that it would all disappear in time… “

Do you recall your first brush with fear?  Was it a nightmare interrupting your slumber, awaking you to the possibilities of monsters under the bed? Or the loud crack of thunder accompanied by a bright, shining sword extending its’ blade through the sky?  Whatever it was, in our youth, the idea of the unknown sent many of us into a frenzy either frozen under the covers with our eyes tightly shut or down the hall seeking sanctuary in the room of an older sibling or our parents.  Even in the presence of someone bigger and stronger than us, the eyes that peered through the darkness from the confines of the closet were brighter than our own eyes in the sunshine and at this point in our lives, fear of all things unfamiliar begins to tighten its’ grip on our imagination.

On the other hand, the innocence of a child is also laced with wisdom.  As children we have confidence in our abilities in the light and many children are fearless and willing to take on whatever the day brings be it an 8 ft tree to climb, a wide creek to jump or a small clan of bullies to stand up to on the playground, their strength and courage is magnified in the presence of light.

If children can display unmatched bravery in the face of adversity, how much harder should it be for us as adults to get over the fears that ridicule us day in and day out?  It is quite natural to fear the unknown but if we are children of God, having received He who is Love and have the Spirit within us through the life of Christ, there is no reason to live according to the uncertainty of darkness. 

Chapter Four of First John helps us to see the confidence that we have in the Light…in Love…in God. Verse 13 “We know that we live in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit…16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.  God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him…18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…”

The world has no need of seeking to conquer us with fear when our own imaginations leave us entrapped in a nightmare as life becomes the monsters in our closets.  With the love of God, who is love, all things are possible.  His perfect love drives out fear.

* “…I need your help, save me from myself; I’ve been running from me all along. I don’t know what I will make of my life, if you don’t right all my wrongs…I’ve been running for so long yet I’m not getting anywhere…can you please come rescue me from this nightmare…I feel like I’m running…I’m so tired of running…”

*Leah Smith “Monster” from the album “Beautifully Made”

Controversy Created by the Church

There has been a lot of talk lately (and always, I'm sure...) about gospel artists "fraternizing" with sinners/secular artists.  From the mother of The Clark Sisters and Kim Burrell being shunned and chastised by the COGIC to fans and critics worldwide causing an uproar regarding Mary Mary's highly successful "God In Me" music video, The Church is found yet again teetering with the possibility of losing many possible disciples of Christ through their "holier than thou", judgmental attitude.


IMO, the Church needs to stop making everything regarding all things secular so controversial. It's "controversies" like these that keep sinners IN their sin. Show them the God you SAY is in you and let GOD do the rest...

Enjoy the video but more importantly, enjoy the message in the music!!!

Below are some comments that I left today on Mary Mary's "God In Me" video on YouTube
ENJOY!!!

This is my first time seeing this video and I am GLAD that these ladies and their team decided to convey the message in this song the way they did. When I hear the song and watch this video, I literally think of the lyrics being directed at "The Church" sayin', "don't assume you know what I'm going through just because MY walk with God doesn't look like yours."

Yes, this song definitely speaks to the world as an invitation to the world to see what God has done for me, "the saint" but there are plenty of people in the secular world that have God in them. Are they all representing the Kingdom to the fullest? Perhaps not, but LORD KNOWS that I wasn't either when I first got saved and I may not always do my best now!? We "...don't know how much {they} pray, don't know how much {they} gave, don't know HOW MUCH {THEY'VE} CHANGED..."

Okay...this is my last comment (lol...didn't mean to turn this into a blog!?) How many of us church folk stop to think of the act of witnessing that may come from our involvement with the secular world? Who knows what God is doing with this song and video. I love EdwardCarrillo's comment about the Pharisees response to Jesus with sinners...THAT sir, is the best point made here. But I can't forget @mammacita65. We must DEFINITELY check our love walk...

Everything I Learned, I Taught Myself

I would like to introduce you to fairly new Early Reader Series created by a gentleman named Derrick Barnes.  This is a FABULOUS article and looking back, as much as I LOVED “The Baby-sitters Club” and “Nancy Drew”, I remember scouring the shelves of my neighborhood library for a wider variety of books.  As I longed for more than the traditional "classics" in school, I went straight from Nancy Drew to Mark Mathabane's "Kaffir (Nigger) Boy" to depictions of Native American life and traditions in Sue Harrison's "Mother Earth, Father Sky", eventually finding myself engrossed in the tales of adult happenings through the tales of Terry McMillan...even attempting "Jazz", "Beloved" and "Song of Solomon" by Toni Morrison (who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1993) all before making my way through the eighth grade. 

My mother was elated that I was an avid reader but had she known the content of many of the books I was reading at that age...yeah...I don't want to imagine.

I say all of this to bring attention to the need for age appropriate literature for young people of all ages and ethnic backgrounds.  While this is an article on a website which predominately focuses on literature by African-Americans, I encourage people from all backgrounds to give young people the opportunity to explore outside of the familiar. Growing up in Kansas, it took effort of my own to learn about the writers that were used to instill the knowledge that generated love for my history and the possibilities of my future as a Black woman in America.

Again, I encourage you and everyone you know with young children, ‘tweens and teenagers to look into these books. Seek them out online and in stores where they are available for purchase and request them at retailers where they are not yet available.  Be it for a young person in your home or as a gift in the future, we have to support reading and a love for literature in our young people EARLY and continue to nurture that appetite as they get older.  Also, there is a world of writers, particularly "minorities" in America, out there who need our support as well!

The Brown Bookshelf

If you have any info to add to this topic, please feel free to respond via email: ninacinspires@gmail.com

Share My World

Even with a head cold and germs all around, I was able to participate in my first blogtalk radio show with Max Reddick.  Tonight, I was reminded that there truly is "Freedom Through Speech" as is the name of his weekly blogtalk radio show.  Mr. Reddick offered me the opportunity to share "How I Got Over" along with two other panelist, Nicole McLean, breast cancer survivor and author of the blog "My Fabulous Boobies" and Michael Stagg of "My II Sense" where he gives "his two cents" on topics such as personal development and how to live life "on purpose".

I am grateful for the world of technology and the various ways that we are able to share in the struggles and successes and lives of people who just hours ago, were total strangers.  Technology has opened us up to a world where, if we live outside of ourselves, are never alone.  Where, when we look at the lives of others, we find that our situation may not be as bad as we initially thought.  Not that we should ever wish "worse" on anyone but we get to a point where we recognize that much can be learned through the testimony of those around us.

Tonight I was able to share my world.  When I was first asked to give a part of my testimony, I didn't know how much to give.  I didn't even know where to begin.  I asked God to speak through me and to give just enough and, even though at times I felt I was rambling, I pray that my testimony spoke to the heart of someone out there.  I trust that all the living I've done was not in vain.  That the pain that I endured all while trying to find "liberation" and "freedom" were stepping stones to get me to the mountain I stand upon today!

During the panel discussion, Michael and I were asked if we ever saw the trials coming.  If there was ever a point where we stopped to consider if the way impact that our lifestyle would have on our future or did we just wake up one day like, "Oh my...how'd I get here?!"  I shared that I knew I was living reckless the whole time.  That I justified my promiscuous behavior and dependency on alcohol by claiming to be a "liberated woman" who cared not what people thought of me or my behavior when in all actuality, I did.

When living in this world, you can't help but care what people think of you.  The way people see you is a sure sign of the way you're living.  Of course we should never live our lives solely based on the opinions of others but there is a lot to be said about how people see you.

In early 2003 I found myself caught up in a whirlwind of anger and resentment towards myself.  There was no one to blame. But I took my self-loathing out on whoever crossed my path at the wrong time.  Men who loved me, friends who were there for me, waitresses who needed extra training in customer service...if you crossed me, you CAUGHT it.  To answer the question posed to me earlier this evening, my response was, "Yes, I knew I was a whore claiming the role of a 'pimp'", taking advantage of those who wanted to give me nothing but the best...wasting away all in the name of "liberation".  I recognized that change had to come, and quick...

More to come later this week...I am sick and need to be in the bed! Good night! 11:43PM EST

Persevere Newsletter--Clear Vision, February 2010

Clear Vision 2.10

Seeking Spirituality

I understand what you mean having been tired of "church as usual" and "religion" myself. There was a time in my early 20's that I found myself not only tired of church folk and religion but I had allowed the world to convince me that Jesus wasn't truly the Son of God and that there was only one God and so on and so forth.

Being an artist of sorts I found myself surrounded by wonderful, loving, "good" people who were educated with worldly knowledge of astrology, numerology, multiple languages and religions. I was impressed by their knowledge and eventually, I also found myself questioning who Christ was, who He is and questioning the relationship with God that comes from truly knowing Him.

A few years ago when I was working at Smokey Bones, there was a young man named Chris who worked as a busser and was kinda all over the place. He was about 19 years old and a total sweetheart but he was young and didn't know. We never disagreed on anything, unless he hadn't been bussin' my tables all night and asked for a tip out...boy please!? Lol

Anyway, Chris knew I was a follower of Christ and we would often have conversations based on my relationship with Christ and the difference between religion and relationship.  One day, Chris came to me proudly and let me know that he was looking into becoming a Buddhist. I was like, “Okay…why’s that?” I believe that regardless of what you’re into, you ought to be able to support your thinking and beliefs…not to argue with other people, but to make certain that YOU are into. So he responded that he liked Buddhism because of its’ principles based on peace, love and such. And I listened…and after he was done I said, “Okay, so basically, Buddhism has the same principles as Christianity but with Christianity, you have a Savior in Jesus.”  He sat there for a second and replied, “Well yeah, I guess you’re right…”

The problem with Christianity is that it was never meant to be a religion.  In the Bible, you never saw Jesus say ANYTHING to the disciples about starting a religion the way we’ve made it.  Yes we, along with the disciples, were commanded to "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” But that’s all we have been commanded to do besides loving one another as He loves us. MAN made the religion but GOD wants a relationship. 

I say all of this to just say, be careful in your quest for spiritual truth and peace with people.  People get sick of the same old stuff in church and then LEAVE the church!? But we NEED people who aren’t “religious” in the church! We need people who are truly seeking God and who truly love Him and are willing to be a light to not only the world, but to “the saints” who are also a part of the world.  We need people with a heart like yours that long to be reconciled with God and who are willing and able to share the Truth of the Gospel with them. 

Don’t allow yourself to get discouraged in your growing spiritually. As for all the other “religions” and spiritual practices that are out there and seem harmless, again I say, just be careful as you gain knowledge from man.  Continue to study but make certain you are also filling yourself with the Word to stay grounded while you’re learning more about the world that you were physically born into.

If you ever need anything or have questions, please don’t hesitate to holler at me. I’m not your normal “church folk” but I LOVE me some Jesus just the same and am trying with all my might to find a balance between my human me and my spiritual me!